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Intimacy is tough. Gay and queer men often experience even more difficulties in sex and relationships because of unique challenges that we face. Internalized shame and a lack of healthy templates upon which to build healthy sustainable relationships leaves many of us longing for lasting fulfillment. We need tools and community in order to have hotter sex and sustain relationships of all kinds.

Intimacy is tough. Gay and queer men often experience even more difficulties in sex and relationships because of unique challenges that we face. Internalized shame and a lack of healthy templates upon which to build healthy sustainable relationships leaves many of us longing for lasting fulfillment. We need tools and community in order to have hotter sex and sustain relationships of all kinds.




Transformation requires patience, practice, and a holistic understanding of the individual & relational challenges that you face.

Together, we discover your own clarity and acquire resources & strategies that you need in order to create the life & relationships that best support you. 

  • Clarify intentions & set specific goals.
  • Define personal excellence & thrive.
  • Uncover root belief systems & patterns that contribute to challenges and how these dynamics shape relationships. 
  • Identify & cultivate an authentic personal expression of desire.
  • Learn to create & sustain desire in relationships over time.
  • Learn erotic skills that help to build more peak sexual experiences.
  • Develop a communication skillset to resolve conflict, improve intimacy, & fortify sexual connections.
  • Utilize sexual fantasy to uncover emotional needs & enrich sex with partners.
  • Develop authentic boundaries in-and-out of intimate relationship.
  • Work through inhibitions.
  • Turn erotic self-practice and partner work into a spiritual path.
  • Design relationship(s) to foster personal independence while strengthening relational bonds.
  • Heal pain from experiences that have blocked full expression.

One-on-one & couples’ sessions are available in person in San Francisco at The Center SF, by appointment only. Sessions are also available online, if person(s) are not available for in-person work. 

For both in-person and online inquiries, please schedule a fifteen minute intro call to discover if we are a good fit for each other. 

Schedule with Finn

Queer Connect

Queer Connect is a community for gay, queer, bi and trans men seeking emotional, spiritual, & sexual connection. We offer a variety of workshops and interactive experiences to help cultivate the intentional use of desire and facilitate healing for all of us.

We host monthly workshops and gatherings to explore intimate touch as well as our emotional journeys into the heart of sex and desire. Learn to cultivate a greater capacity for intimacy and heal the pain that blocks full erotic expression. Also available for private bookings. 

  • Explore the Love/Lust split, why sex & relationships often feel at odds with each other.
  • Expand awareness & expression of desire in its many different flavors.
  • Cuddle parties to experience nourishing touch without pressure to perform or hook up.
  • Master dynamics of attraction & polarity in dating and/or relationships.
  • Develop communication skills to enhance sex & intimacy.
  • Hold space together to heal personal & collective wounds.

Learn More

Guest Speaker

Book me to speak & interact with your audience. I have been passionate about communicating & connecting audiences with content for more than 20 years. Here are some samples of current content. 

  • The split between Sex & Spirit.
  • Deconstructing masculinity makes us stronger men.
  • Spirituality in the queer & trans community, and beyond.
  • Getting to wholeness in a fragmented world.
  • The healing process & the Hero’s Journey.
  • Being gay as a spiritual mission.
  • Trauma within the queer community & how to heal.
  • Healing sex & relationships, a new way forward.
  • Communicating about our inner worlds.
  • Custom content.

Please message me for inquiries. 

Email Inquiries

Sex on Tap

Personal growth workshops on sexuality & relationships using Tapping, a therapeutic mind-body technique, to process personal & collective trauma. Get support. Share your experience. Be heard, seen, loved. Learn to cultivate self-love. Available for private bookings as well as public events.

  • Identify & process “triggers” that create overwhelming emotional experiences.
  • Manage anxieties & negative mental loops.
  • Update personal perspectives that create new possibilities.
  • Address limiting beliefs & the emotions that are connected to them.
  • Get relief from painful or frightening emotions.
  • Hold space for others in need of help.

Email Inquiries

What Clients Are Saying

I first learned about Finn in spring 2017 when he spoke at a fundraiser for the LGBT homeless shelter my wife started in NJ back in 2014. Hearing Finn share his story of isolation which lead to victory was simply amazing.   His personal story was so vivid and open and it reinforced in me a new passion for helping others that are less fortunate. When we face challenging times, we’re often lead to believe that it will last forever. His story, his life is proof that all things are possible when you redirect the darkness and focus on overcoming it with light.   I’m grateful & this organization is grateful for people such as Finn who aren’t afraid of being vulnerable enough to lead by example!
Tamara Fleming, Essex County
Tamara Fleming, Essex County
LGBT R.A.I.N. Foundation
I met Finn Deerhart at a fundraiser that we had jointly planned to support relief efforts for gay men in Chechnya and The LGBT Asylum Project, which provides pro-bono legal representation for LGBT immigrants who are fleeing persecution and seeking asylum in the U.S.  He immediately struck me as a kind, sensitive young man. Finn recently volunteered at another LGBT Asylum Project event, where he once again proved his ability to put people from a wide variety of backgrounds and ages at ease, and make them feel welcome. I only recently learned of the personal and emotional challenges that Finn has overcome. Those life experiences, combined with his gentle, spiritual demeanor, make him uniquely qualified to coach others who are seeking to make positive changes in their lives.
Adam Sandel, San Francisco
Adam Sandel, San Francisco
The LGBT Asylum Project
Did you think, that at the age of seventy, I‘d still striving to be true to myself, and longing to know who I am? Well I am. And I’m filled with joy and enthusiasm on the journey, at least for the most part. I’m writing this not only because Finn asked me if I’d be interested, but because you don’t to have to wait until you are seventy to find out. There is Finn Deerhart to accompany you. In the last six months of working with Finn I have gone deeply into the core of my being. He is one of these rare people on the earth that did not let the abuse the pain and humiliation from those around him crush his lust for life. It appears that he has transformed all that through peeling away the walls he used to protect himself and he has come closer to reveling his own true self, to himself. Through the gifts that come from such struggle he is able to create, surround his gay brothers, with the safety and trust needed to become aware of their own unique walls and help them to de-construct them stone by stone.

There is another, of the many, aspects of his healing gift which is his deep love for humanity. I experience that we are in need to connect to the dignity that is our birthright from the core of our creation.

It seems to me that he has perceived something along these lines and transformed it into a will to serve his gay brothers so that they may truly shine out of that dignity which can change the world into communities where deeply honest intimacy can thrive.

David Leighton
David Leighton
Care Giver
I’ve had the pleasure of working with many coaches, sex educators and tantric instructors, but Finn’s gifts – and his approach – are truly unique. Finn’s personal history and background have given him a much-needed perspective that marries the worlds of sexuality and spirit. But it’s Finn’s ability to communicate this perspective in a way that is both accessible and relatable that I find so extraordinary. Often times, discussions around sexuality and spirit become abstract and inaccessible – but Finn is able to meet everyone where they are at with applicable wisdom and guidance… even if it’s the very first step in sexual self-discovery. His light shines bright, and it’s so wonderful to bask in it.
Davey Wavey
Davey Wavey
Working with Finn was a smooth and inspired process. Each year our organization hosts a benefit concert called Hear My Song to raise money for LGBT+ service organizations. Finn gave a moving and genuine talk about the struggles related to his queer identity and how he overcame them. Both professional and authentic, Finn maintained constant communication with our organizing team to ensure he met our needs for the event. Many people in the audience were moved by what he had to say including one of our soloists who, as a result, gave a powerful and emotional performance that brought down the house. Finn truly possesses a healing touch for queer people and their allies. We look forward to working with him again!
Steve Boughton
Steve Boughton
Hear My Song LGBT Benefit Concert
Finn is a talented healer with a caring heart and charming smile. I’m super grateful for my tapping session with him. He started by listening to me and dropping into a really safe space where I felt heard and supported. And then he guided me into some emotionally charged material. Every step along the way, I could feel that he had me and was tuned in with me so I didn’t get overwhelmed. Finn shared some really insightful observations that gave me new perspective on how I’m showing up in the world. He helped me find my growth edge. We wrapped up the session with a huge hug – I felt the relief of letting go of emotional stuff and the satisfaction of doing some good work.
Matt Sturm
Matt Sturm
Embodied Erotic
Since I started working with Finn several months ago, he has become a surprisingly important and positive influence in my life. I have worked with many different coaches, managers, mentors and teachers over the years, but Finn stands out among them as someone who genuinely cares and has a real impact on my life. He does so in a subtle and gentle, yet direct and uncompromising way. He is one of the least judgmental people I have ever met. He is kind but he is not weak. He asks very insightful questions that help me get in touch with what is really going on beneath the surface of my actions and point to what might be driving my insecurities or passions. Finn would have a meaningful impact on anyone who is looking for a coach. His compassionate and grounded leadership and support would be invaluable for anyone looking for help navigating this tumultuous world of relationships and achievement.
Stephanie Wei
Stephanie Wei
Financial Services Executive

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