Affirmative Self-Pleasure 4 | Porn & Racism: Uncovering Our Broken Relationships to Power

I believe that we as queer men often suffer from broken relationships to power. By power, I mean a deep connection within ourselves. We may feel fabulous in many ways, or at least we do our best to appear fabulous. At the same time, upon closer examination, this brokenness is evidenced in the many ways in which we organize our social experiences around collective ingrained racism. To avoid our internal wounds, we necessarily construct elaborate schemes of social connection that highlight parts of ourselves that we want to augment while circumventing the parts of ourselves that give away our inescapable fragilities. Everyone suffers under these implicit agreements. 

I have been deeply challenging myself to uncover the attitudes, beliefs, and ways of thinking that must be changed. I beg you to do the same. Being queer, I think that we can utilize our collective experiences of marginalization as a window into ourselves, a mirror in which to discover the truth and, ultimately, build our capacities in order to grow and promote universal equality. It has not been easy, nor will it ever be easy. Yet, I believe that for myself, and for many other white gay men, our experiences of having been marginalized have maybe been our excuses to turn away from the traumas of the oppressed. Conversely, our own personal pain can absolutely be our way “in” to deep empathy as well as dedication to healing for all. 

Take a look into what really turns you on. What lives in this realm of fantasy that might elucidate for you the deeper layers of internalized racism, misogyny, homophobia that burden you? I believe that it’s all hiding in plain sight if we are emboldened to open our eyes. In looking deeply, we are then able to act, and in the process, we can begin repairing our relationships to the power within us that connects us to every being and seeks justice where it has been denied. 

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