The Deep Feast – We Hunger For Love

We hunger for food and sex, but, mostly, we hunger for love.

The Deep Feast is a playful exploration game that we can play with our partner(s). It is scalable, meaning we can play this game as deeply as we want or feel comfortable. We can incorporate this into a playful hook-up, or practiced with our soulmates, partners, or any variety of trusted sex buddies. We get out of our comfort zones and into a playful space, utilizing food and silent connection. Interestingly, food is also tied to the pleasure/rewards centers in our brains. When we combine sexual pleasure and food in an improvisational way, it opens up new patterns and erotic flow and new ways of feeling comfortable with each other. Ultimately, this allows us to have more relaxed, authentic, playful connections with our partners. This ritual is powerful for building one’s capacity for improvisational flow. Improvisation is a key and necessary ingredient for hot sex, so practicing in this way, we build confidence in our ability to play in unconventional ways and open up to whatever the moment is bringing to us. As a result, we rely much less upon erotic “scripts”–familiar roles we take on to feel safe or circumvent vulnerability.

Frequently, if we are dining with an intimate partner, we rush through the process of eating and swallow as fast as possible in order to maintain a conversation, or to get it over with and get on with the evening, etc. By slowing the process down, we discover so much more about ourselves, what we are really thinking, and what turns us on. It’s a way to practice deep presence in a fun kind of way. Pay close attention to the attitudes, beliefs, and commentary that might be running in your mind.

To play this game, gather a variety of foods with different colors, textures and flavors. Begin allowing yourself to be transported outside the normal boundaries of social interactions like routine sex and routine dining. Release expectations about how the sex will begin, who will initiate, what role one might take, etc. We want to uncover a new way of seeing each other–as whole beings. At this moment, maybe share intentions with each other or any final words before beginning to dine. From this moment onward, the event is without words, and communication is established by physical gestures, sexy noises, breaths, laughs, etc.

Every bite that is consumed should be fed by the partner. So, no one eats with his own hands. This symbolizes trust and reliance on a partner, surrender, and being “fed” on multiple levels. Partners take turns, bite for bite, being fed by the other man. Get flirty. Get silly! Each partner, in his turn, will gesture somehow to his plate, which bite he wants. The giver will pick up the morsel and in some creative way, feed it to his partner. It usually starts by putting it into the receiver’s mouth, lingering, letting the fingers be sucked on, nibbled, etc.

Giver, help the feast evolve by making little challenges for the receiver. Maybe put a bite in your navel, lie back and have the receiver lick it off. Feed bites to each other with your toes! Nuzzle each other and listen to the sensual sound of chewing and swallowing, neck to neck, savoring every part of the experience. Maintain eye contact whenever possible. Make a conscious choice to be present with whatever feelings you may be experiencing, even if they are not feelings you are used to feeling during “sex.”  Eventually, as the evening progresses, both parties are increasingly more undressed and eating off many different erogenous zones on the body, getting sexier and sexier.

Try to stretch the feast to at least an hour or so of this kind of play. Save genital contact for much later in the feast to allow the anticipation to build and build. Along the way, it is my personal wish that you will uncover something new about yourself. I’ll say it again–we hunger for food and sex, but, mostly, we hunger for love.

Check out the video content on for more of these games to inspire you to open and grow as a sexual-spiritual being!

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